I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
