I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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