I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
