Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
