It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
