So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Come back. Shots need mouths.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
