she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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