dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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