I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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