it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
