Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
