So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
