and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
