True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
