I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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