somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
