I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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