I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
