Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
