he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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