I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
