Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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