You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
