capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
