I got chris browned last night
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i believe in u and ur pee
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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