God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize