around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
