just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
try to milk me bitch
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
