it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
