Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
