STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize