I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
