lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
