some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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