sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
