She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
