Please, let me fuck your mom
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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