Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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