alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
