at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
