I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
