I'm jealous of your bromance
i barfeds in our rink
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
