Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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