Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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