i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
