fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
