We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
