I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
The air taste purple.
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