dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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