I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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