You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
