I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
