don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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