Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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