wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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