Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
