alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
