Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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