I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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