Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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