I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
We need to rekindle our bromance
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
