i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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