wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
