talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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