he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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