oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Randomize