Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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